Friday, 20 February 2009

DIFFICULT WOMEN - HOW DO WE DEAL WITH THEM?

Dear P Club

I need some advice.

There’s this woman in work who is driving me mad. Generally - I find that I get along with all womanfolk - but there is a certain kind who I have problems with - and they are characterised by:

- overt aggression
- insecurity
- no sense of humour

We have formed a group of like-minded folk dedicated to a certain aspect of the law –We work together, organise functions and marketing events, share technical knowledge etc. etc. So far – so good.

And along comes this new lady – she’s a bit butch – short hair cut – men’s clothes – in fact looks like a man, but is not a man. Nothing wrong with that – I wear men’s clothes all of the time, and I enjoy it.

But by Gawd – she is so aggressively insecure and has the social skills of a duck.

For example:

She has designed a course, which we are running for the legal profession and all I did was make a few suggestions as to how we could improve it. But the reaction from her was severe – she argued that I was “stepping on her toes” – in short – she went ballistic!

I must admit she did make me laugh. And my first response was to make a big bloody joke out of it. Which made her even madder.

But if anyone tells me how I can improve something I am keen to listen and will often amend or even dump what I have prepared. My kids tell me all the time. It’s all about getting better at doing things - improving. But this lady won’t listen to anyone.

Anyway – I don’t mind really – she is certainly insecure and I can understand this; who wouldnt feel nervous around The Great Mr P?.

But she has started to tell little lies - and I cannot stand folks who tell lies - it erodes trust. I will give you a recent example:

One of our secretaries left because she couldn’t work with this woman any longer. Anyway – along comes our woman to one of our meetings and announces that the secretary had declared in her “EXIT” meeting that she had problems and issues with ALL OF US. That was news to me. Personally I try and get along with everyone.

So I phoned the secretary up and asked her if she did have issues with us all.

She was puzzled by the suggestion and explained that she had no issues with us – but only with our shorthaired friend – importantly she had never said any such thing at her EXIT interview.

A little lie.

And that is just one of many. I am coming to the conclusion that she has lost the ability to discern the truth from the fiction.

So P Club – I appreciate that this is all rather pathetic and of no-consequence. But how would you deal with this woman – if at all?

I am raising a very important and deep issue here you see: HOW DO WE CONFRONT EVIL?

I am certainly going to tackle her over the lying – because we cannot allow this.

How do you deal with someone who will not listen to reason?

SUGGESTIONS WELCOME

21 comments:

Law Minx said...

My Dear P,

Has this woman been in your place of work a long time, or has she come from somewhere else and feels perhaps that she needs to make a bit of an impact? Are there lots of women working in your place in that area of law - hell, are there lots of women in your place in general? Perhaps she thinks that shes being assertive, rather than agressive ( this is a fine line, after all)and needs to mark out her territory, so to speak, if she is going to survive alongside a lot of undoubtedly very CLEVER Barristers, notwithstanding your good self!

I feel quite sorry for people like this, to be honest, and usually try, at least initially, to be on friendly terms. Perhaps you should try a sympathetic approach first :)

What exactly is WRONG with short hair? I have short hair and I am not in any way butch!!

Ms. Moon said...

Trying to be reasonable with people who won't listen to reason is an effort in futility. Another thing to remember: Liars lie. That's what they do.
Now let me ask you- why did you choose to entitle this piece "Difficult Women-How do we deal with them?" The person who is driving you mad is, yes, a woman. However, it could just as easily have been a man. And how would you deal with a man who was causing such problems?
Well, just food for thought.

Mr Pineapples said...

Dear Minxta

I have tried the nice - sympathetic - reasonable approach. it does not work.I simply cannot stand the lying and the one-upmanship. If I tell her that I have just eatent two apples - she comes back with "but I have just eaten three apples". As for short hair well - I was trying to give you the picture. Put another way: P has tried his manly charms with her - AND THEY DO NOT WORK......on her.

Ms Moon

Good point.

I never find men as tricky as this person. Certain women when they get a bit of power cannot handle it; it does not sit well with them and they become paranoid.

There is no reasoning with them.

Rebuke a wise man and they will love you - rebuke a fool and they will hate you. She is a fool.

Tamara said...

P, are you sure that you don't dislike this woman simply because your manly wiles make no impression? ;-)

She probably lied about the exit interview because she is embarrassed by what the secretary said. Or maybe the secretary said something like, "I'm leaving becuase of interpersonal difficulties" to avoid being mean about Ms Short Hair?

Just a thought.

If all else fails, continue to blog about it... that always seems to help ;-)

Mr Pineapples said...

Tamara - re the manly wiles: they will never work on this woman as she is a butch lesbian and only likes women......I like women too...nothing wrong with them at all.

Your analysis of her reasoning is one that I share: in order to deflect criticism against her - she made out that it was ALL OF US who were the problem.

But it's a lie...and I cannot deal in lies - albeit little tiddly ones like this.

THE TRUTH MUST OUT !

MikeP said...

I think the best advice might be your own, which you gave in reference to the Christmas celebration issues at home. I believe it was something along the lines of "give a man enough rope and he will hang himself." If the office woman insists that the secretary had issues with everyone, just ask her to elaborate. The more she talks, the more the story will twist I am sure, until the truth comes out.

Mr Pineapples said...

MikeP - yes - I have done some interrogation of this person in the past - in the manner you have described.

It was like a rabbit in the headlights.

I had to stop doing it in the end - as it seemed so unfair.

Mr Pineapples said...

MikeP - yes - I have done some interrogation of this person in the past - in the manner you have described.

It was like a rabbit in the headlights.

I had to stop doing it in the end - as it seemed so unfair.

Petit fleur said...

Dear Mr. P,

A couple of things come to mind..
1) Try putting your suggestions in an email. That way you can think about how you want to present it.

2) If she is upsetting the workplace as much as it seems that she is, perhaps you could get a group of co-workers to individually send confidential emails to a supervisor with their complaints..and maybe suggest that it's time for the super to chat with this person about being a team player. Safety in numbers.

Good luck,
pf

Judith said...

This could be a high risk strategy but why not go further with those manly charms: pay her compliments, send her roses, good luck charms etc.. Hopefully she'll run a mile and Mr P will never set eyes on her again!
A word of warning though, if this doesn't work, it could make a bad situation 1,000 times worse!

boXer girl said...

Oh hell, Mr P, let me call Uncle Vinny. He has a way with women. (put the money in a white envelope, mark it with a giant "L" using red ink, and tape it closed with one 6" strip of tape) (you must follow those instructions EXACTLY) (wink, wink) (now destroy this comment)

Law Minx said...

My Dear P,

Where are you when the Legal Needs you to comment upon the following entirely WRETCHED Website, proposing to assist the hapless pupil wannabe in application to various and sundry chambers by doing practically EVERYTHING for them?!

Please go and have a Butchers, its so SCREAMINGLY UNETHICAL as to practically have me in TEARS of complete FRUSTRATION!!!

Here's the addy:

http://www.oxbridgetrainingcontracts.com/index.php

Ms. Moon said...

"Mr. P.," she whispered, "are you still among us?"

Heff said...

BITCH !

Vodka Mom said...

someone ought to kick her evil ass.

Mr. Pineapples is just the man to do it.

Trubes said...

Mr P, Where are you? You are missed.

Di.x

Vodka Mom said...

I have a hard time believing ANYONE wouldn't love you.

xoxox

Ron Knee said...

Dear Mr P. Use the uncommon principles of love with this person. You will get nowhere by being antagonistic but believe me a few words about her beutifully shaped clit will work wonders. Even if you haven't seen it, imply that she has such, and she will be as putty in your hands. Even if she is the most ugly bitch in the universe, tell her that her womanly bits inspire you to write text messages to all your friends.

You will meet honeys like this all through yer life - be nice to them. Don't wind them up, treat them like they are the next best thing to sliced bread. Even the most "antagonistic and unnattractive" birds can be really hot in the sack, there is no such thing as an ugly bird. Ma man, there is no better bird than an overbearing bird. MMMMMmmm!


Ask her out, for fuck' sake. She sounds like a horny biatch. She wants yur dicky.

Ron Knee said...

PS I've picked up a load of really great babes in the past and believe me, looks are nothing. Some of the best babes are not what you would pull off the street in a fashion contest. Take the bird from PC world with the wild hair.... Mmmmmm!

Heff said...

PINEAPPLES !!!! Where in the HELL are you ?

party said...

vigilante violence is always the answer