Thursday, 1 January 2009


Welcome to 2009 P Club.

Hey Listen.

P had a party for New Year’s Eve; I never get invited to parties so I must have my own. And what a bleedin’ nightmare it was.

Anyone who comes to P’s party is up for a fun evening of PARTY GAMES……it’s compulsory. I have loads of kids to look after…..I cant just let them sit in a corner and look bored. And I don’t leave the kids with grandparents whilst Mr and Mrs P bugger off down a nightclub.

No – for me – family life is my whole life.

So – it’s Hearty Party for the whole of P household.

In Mr P’s parties there’s none of that drinking shed loads of booze, taking drugs or smoking fags. Done that years ago – was boring then and is boring now. P’s body is a temple – never fill it full of krap like that.

Truth is – I have to cater for all ages at The P household parties: little kids (loads of them); teenage boys (with their mates), friends and neighbours. This year we invited some neighbours (who have been going through some tough times) and Mrs P also decided to invite some folks from Belgium.

Can you bleedin Adam and Eve it? A bunch of Belgians? In our house !

So – I get party games going…..yes Party Games. Crazy – zany – wacky games. But it was like winding up the dead. So many folks just refused to play. But – Mr P never gives up – and yes the buggers did play the games. I bullied them into it.

But it was hard work. And them some of the little girls started arguing and crying…..and we had kids sneaking off to play = Play Station.

I spent the whole time cajoling folks – rounding folks up – telling kids off – encouraging them to join in – looking for the dogs – serving drinks.

Why do folks come to a party and then sit po-faced and refuse to speak to anyone unless someone speaks to them – and then refuse to take part in Mr P’s (compulsory games) – I resorted to threats of violence in the end – seemed to work.

Oh Gawd – how I dislike introverts who refuse to socialise. Quiet people are okay up to a point – but when invited to a party they should either join in, bugger off quick – or better still – refuse the invite by saying:

“I am a quiet person….I will not make any bloody effort to get involved – but will sit in the corner expecting you to entertain me the whole bleedin’ time – and on that basis – I must decline your kind invitation”.

Thank Gawd for Mr P’s kids.

My kids are up for everything – and my teenage boys are totally bloody fearless – they don’t give a monkeys cuss – will play any game I ask them to – will dance and have a laugh at anything. And they don’t mind a bit of a scrap either…

During our party they decided to strip off down to their boxer shorts and go for a wander around the village – freezing cold with 3 mates. Got chased by some old bloke who took offence at their sprightliness.

I even made them wear compulsory lion masks – my boys wore them – but my girls point-blank refused.


Then one of the dogs goes missing – had to go looking for the little monkey; found him down the road.

I totally cocked up the food – told someone (on the phone) to bring a cake and mentioned there were 26 people coming to the Party – the idiot brings 26 pudding and cakes. Mrs P blames me. We had so much food – cakes all over the place – bottles of wine wherever you turned.

I drank one glass of mulled wine all evening. Too bloody busy getting folks to join in on my party games.


At 11 o’clock I wrapped up the whole party – sent the boring buggers home – and The P family went off to another party – with about 100 people. That was a funky time.

What did you boring buggers get up to P Club?


Mr Pineapples said...

Nice One P

My Other Blog said...

I babysat the twins and fell asleep by ten PM. I guess it was midnight in Iceland or somewhere by then.

Mr Pineapples said...

But My Dearest Other Blog....

That is a beautiful way to spend the evening.

I mean it.

No irony intended.

You could have come around here. My kids would have found you to be most exotic...and would have spoiled you rotten.

How are the twins anyway?

Trubes said...

Hi Mr P...We were party poopers this year and locked ourselves in with a lovely dinner of Coque au Vin and lots of champagne.
Welcomed 2009 in without a 'fat head' and took our little grandaughter to the local park to feed the ducks..
I felt a bit guilty later as i actually cooked a Duck for dinner...not from the local park though!

Happy New Year!


Law Minx said...

My Dear P,

I had the most boring new year possible - I was in hospital! :(

Ms. Moon said...

Hmmm. New Years- amateur night, as an old friend of mine used to say.
We had two dear friends from out of town. Had martinis and a seafood feast. We DID play a game but it degenerated into silliness and then we all went to bed. Long before midnight. We are boring but it was fun and it was nice to wake up on New Years Day feeling fine.
Happy New Year, Mr. P! You are such a fun chap and I love your writing.

Heff said...

Glad it worked out for you in the end, anyway.

boXer girl said...

Happy New Year Mr P! I spent my Eve curled up on the couch, in my boxers and Tee, wrapped in a pink blanket, TV clicker in one hand, Sugar-Free Red Bull in the other, watching a "Elf" marathon (what was channel 26 thinking with that programming??). At five minutes 'til, I switched channels to watch "the ball drop in Times Square" - a time-honored New Year's Eve tradition that is seriously overdue for a new gimmick...

During the commercial breaks I devoted my mind to coming up with a resolution - one with depth, one with meaning, one with soul-shattering challenge - and alas I have decided upon my resolution. My New Year's resolution is to get invited to a "Hearty Party" next New Year's Eve!

Here's to 2009! Thank Heavens 2008 is over...

Insults said...

Happy New Year Mr P!

Law Minx said...

My Dear P,

I am crushed, simply CRUSHED, to discover that you have removed me from your bloglist!!!!! :((

kbreints said...

Why did you leave this comment on my site? Ans who is Aunt Betty??

"Hey Auntie Betty

Mr P has just noticed that you have made a comment on P Blog...something about Ms Moon sending you to me...and me being a "Dick Head" (what-ever-one-of-those-is?).

What is happening?"

Just curious?!

kbreints said...

"hey Betty - looks like Mr P has pushed one of His weird messages onto the wrong blog.

Why do they call you Betty anyway?"

LOL-- I think that you have confused me for aunt becky from Momma Wants Vodka....

I am not her. Nor am I betty.

Mr Pineapples said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr Pineapples said...

Dear P Club.

Trubes - Duck is very nice - much prefer the chinese version with pancakes etc Happy new Year to you me duck.

Minxtaaa - so what's the problem? In the hospital eh? Anything Mr P can help you with? As for the link to your page - it will be restored.

Ms Moon - so you think P is a fun chap? Wow - that is nice. Most of P's kids think He's too much - too zany....too bleedin' childish for a dad. But you got it just right. Hey sounds like you had a great New Years.

Heff - you ole ZZ Top you. Keep on rockin'

BoxerBabe - I am not kiddin - your New Years sounds kind-of cosy. Mine drove me bloody mental. Gissa-Snog.

Hey - Insults - bugger off you boring old toad

Hey KBreints (nice name) - what are you doing on P blog - this is an "Invite Only" blog. Off you go now back to Brints-Ville

Law Minx said...

My Dear P,

WHOOPING Cough put me in hospital on Boxing Day!! It was so BAD, I could Hardly BREATHE for coughing, and because I suffer from a degenerative neurological condition in the first instance anyway,which was also affected by the Lergie, the Quacks forced me to spend quality time on an Acute Medical Ward. I mean REALLY. Are they THAT desperate for company over the seasonal period?!?!?!

electro-kevin said...

Stayed in with kids, wife and gramps. Had a nice time.

I'm quiet and a bit introverted I suppose. I don't really enjoy parties though I do enjoy people's company in small groups.