Tuesday, 16 December 2008


Yup – P has totally sussed out women.

He understands them now – can outthink them – bloody easy.

Just pretend they are in charge and go along with any krap they come out with. Let them get it out of their systems – and let the bollocks run its course.

For example:

P mentioned Christmas to Mrs P – asked what we are doing this year – suggested what fun it might be.

And she went totally bloody ape-shit; chucked her toys out of the pram and the pram through the bleedin’ window

Made P write a list of all the stuff we are NOT going to do this year – a list of rules – made P stick it on the wall for everyone to see.

The List of Not to do:

1. No watching telly
2. No boxing DVDs
3. No arguing, whining or complaining
4. No sitting around doing nothing
5. No Christmas dinner
6. No noise or loud talking
7. No screaming
8. No fighting
9. No going to bed at 2 o'clock in the morning and getting up all grumpy 'cos we all knackered


Then a list of stuff we MUST do:

1. Everyone takes the dogs out for walks
2. Visiting folks
3. Phoning folks
4. Curry take-away instead of Turkey
5. Organised games
6. We all sit down together every evening and read quietly

So I write out this krap – (she dictates and P writes it all down) and I stick it on the wall – with celotape all around it.

Trouble is – the kids come along and add comments in red ink – stuff like:

“No Tiny Tim”

“Dear Ebenezer……”

“Love Scrooge….”

“No breathing……no laughter…….no life……”

“No grandparents……”

“No Christmas”

But here’s the psychology P Club:

P went with it….didn’t complain……nodded sagely at the wisdom of the list……promised to keep to its strictures……

Next thing – Mrs P takes it down (after a week) – and announces that she’s going to have Christmas after all…….and that she feels better now.

Hoorah for Bleedin’ Christmas.





Mr Pineapples said...

Bloody wise

Ms. Moon said...

P. doesn't win if Mrs. P. reads this blog.

Law Minx said...

My Dear P,

Having considered, at length who the REAL winner in this scenario might be, I can only come to the conclusion that it is in fact Mrs P - after all she had ALL of you on the go there ( probably to her satisfaction) for a little while, and it only goes to show who TRULY rules the roost! After all, what self respecting mum of 8 kids would EVER cancel Christmas!?

boXer girl said...

Are you sure you've won Mr P? Really, really sure??

EmmaK said...

I don't think you can truly say you've won until Christmas rolls around and we see whether Mrs P hasn't by then put up a new list with some even more ridiculous demands

electro-kevin said...

Stay quiet. Let her think she's won.

I'd still get the curry in. And a tin of sweetcorn...

Then I'd plaster the bog and leave it.

Then I'd say "Who's the daddy ? WHO'S THE DADDY ?"

Ron Knee said...

Hello my dear old chap, just returned from working in Portugal and seen that you had left many messages on my blog which were automatically deleted by the system I had set up. I only saw the headers to the messages. Seeing as I have been away for the last two months I can only assume that you have some sort of fixation on me? Let me tell you, I love you to bits but I can't condone some sort of "bunny boiler". syndrome. May I suggest that you not put so much of your life into this "internet" thing and actually put effort into what your wife and children need?

Love you lots


Mr Pineapples said...

Dear P club

What P has noticed is that the female element of P Club - seem to think that Mrs P has won.

I dont get it

I thought I'd won. Duh! Christmas is back on: with the yelling, fighting, screaming and good ole rock and roll. P has won.....hasnt he?

Oh me Gawd......perhaps I havent !

But it's only Kev...who sees the truth: P is the daddy.

As for Rob's Knees - I dont recall sending you messages.....but there is another P out there: the evil one.

Hey - Dave - dont they have computers in Portugal?

Law Girl said...

Dear Mr P. I am going to give you Mr Lawgirl's number and implore you to impart your wisdom to him. Mr Lawgirl likes things his way. I like things mine. Mr LG does not realise that in order to get what he wants, he must trick me into thinking I have what I want. Mr LG is in serious need of women lessons. You are right. Learn from the P.

My Other Blog said...

I think I may have been tagged with a comment by the fake Mr. P. Or was I? I followed the comment back to here. If I haven't been hit with a comment from the fake Mr. P - well why the hell not? Am I not fake Mr. P. comment worthy?

Mr Pineapples said...

LawGirl - so there is a Mr Lawgirl? Wow - RESULT.... tell him to come on P Blog......P has it sussed.

My Other Blog - that was the good P....Evil P sweares a lot, and is rude and insulting. Good P - is full of witt, grace and intelligence.

Ron Knee said...

Hi Mr P
Regardless of what has gone on in the past, may I take this opportunity to wish you THE BEST CHRISTMAS YOU HAVE EVER HAD and if you have babbies may they have a wonderful time over the festive season. May I also extend this greeting to your wonderful family in London or wherever they may be living.

Peace be with you meducks.

Loves from Ron Knee, Mrs Knee, son Ron, eldest daughter Ronnette and little babby Ronnettey. Happy Christmas and a realy great new year! XXX

Mr Pineapples said...

Well....Rob Knees.....

I thank ye kindly sir. As you know - you are always welcome on P Blog.....

P knows we have had our fallings out in the past....but forgiveness is always in the air.

Let's be mates from now on (so...I need to develop some new enemies....P is working on a few).

And a happy christmas to you and all the Knees.

Trubes said...

Merry Xmas P to you and yours!

Still love ya baby !


electro-kevin said...

Happy Christmas, Mr P and the club.

Ron Knee said...

Mr P. How about NOT thinking about how to form new enemies but instead using yer energies to create new friends? I have learned a fekkin' lot from people on blogger (even the welsh!)

Thats coming from a Polakki!

Happy new year! xxxx

Mr Pineapples said...

hey Trubes - Merry one to you too

Mr Pineapples said...

Hey Kev.....on behalf of P Club - merry christmas to you

Mr Pineapples said...

Hey Rob Knees - but having too many friends is a bit dull.

As for the Welsh - P has a story:

P's grandfather (now passed on - Bless his soul) - was a bit of a street fighter in his time - worked out of Norfolk and went around the country scrapping for money.

Well - he used to tell me that the toughest fights he ever had were in South Wales.....with miners and young lads too - eager to take him on.

He used to do fair-ground bouts - pay your money and get in the ring. In South Wales they would be queueing up around the corner to take him in.

Bleedin Taffs

Liz said...

Hey, I throw a mean right cross so careful what you say about the taffs!

The question is: who did the dishes on Christmas Day? The one who didn't is the real winner.

rocknlaw said...

There is no winning P, only subservience... and buying your own TV for real DVDs.

Mercifully, according to Zimbardo we all love a bit of repression and a metaphorical spanking.

Mr Pineapples said...

Hey Liz - great to have you in P Club...but listen:

All respect to the Welsh; my grandad loved them....but I know he found it hard going in the fighting as the blokes were hard as nails....but good hearted - he went to places like Brynmawr and Ebbw Vale.....lots of tough nuts down there.

Re the washing up: if anything gets done in P house - it's cos we have charts on the wall; Christmas day - Mr P and little Miss P did the washing up together - it was on the chart....she still complained though

P likes your blog

Mr Pineapples said...

Hey Rockstaa - I never mess with Mrs P (well never to her face)

She has hands like shovels and a punch like a truck.....too dangerous

Insults said...

Great blog - I think you win!

Heff said...

No boxing dvd's ? Sounds like a fight brewing to me !!!

Alok said...

Bloody wise .... I need to practice this in and out ... without fail :) LET them think they are the BOSS :)


Heff said...

Happy New Year, Bitch !

Heff said...

Hey ! It's the Pineapples-n-Heff chat hour !!!

No shit - if you wanna see some rockin', go to my blog & click on the "Metal Monday" label located way down the left sidebar. Toggle down & rock out on several previous posts.

Enjoy !