Monday, 25 August 2008


I loved every minute of it. Not that I saw every one – but you know what I mean.

Two weeks of sport – how can we knock it? P was utterly addicted to every thing. If you didn't enjoy the Olympics and were not enthralled by the sheer brilliance of it all - then you might as well give up on life right now.

Here are the thoughts of The P regarding the Olympics:

1. Britain invented most sports – it’s true – and sport is finally coming home to rest with us…’s true home. We achieved 19 Golds – bloody hell – that is unbelievable. Forth in the medal table – just pipped by Russia. A little country like us.

Don’t it make you proud to be British? And what a nation the British are:

· Inventors of the English language – the language of the World;

· The Industrial Revolution – started with us – while the French were sitting around their dinner tables sipping wine, eating Frog’s legs after ploughing the fields The Brits were reinventing the world;

· The Home of Parliamentary Democracy;

· The greatest modern musicians, poets, writers, actors – a nation of artists;

· The creators of Chicken Tikka Massala

· The inventors of the telephone, television, penicillin, the world wide web etc.. etc.. etc..this list would go on and on…

· The most impressive Empire known to man – and we gave it all up – we set countries up and then left them to get on with it – like America, Australia, India – they all belonged to us but we let them go. – because of our inbuilt humanity;

· The Rule of Law and The Common Law – the Mother and Father of legal systems – copied by many (The USA) but bettered by none.

And now the world knows that the true winners of the Olympics were the British. Imagine how many Golds we would have won had we the demographics of the USA.. Wow - zillions....probably all of them. Apart from Baseball of course.

2.Baseball? What? An Olympic sport? I know the Brits invented this game as well – but we disowned it yonks back.

I know it’s incredible – but yes – some clown allowed this pathetic travesty of a game to be described as Olympian. I mean – who plays baseball?

Okay – the Yanks play it and the Japanese – but that is all. Oh yes – and the 6 year old girls in every Primary School across this land of ours. Yes – the Olympics can be surreal as well as inspiring.

And beach volleyball? That is another joke.

Why not beach crochet? Or darts? Why not Beach Darts with fat beer swilling blokes showing their builders’ arses in cut-off tight jeans?

It’s a winner.

3.All this talk of London not being able to match the Chinese and the efforts of Bejing.

Okay – the Chinese games was truly the greatest so far – in terms of organisation and spectacle.

But there has been a lot of emphasis on the Opening and Closing Ceremonies – and hand wringing, with gnashing of teeth as to whether we (The Brits) can match what the Chinese did.

But do you know what? These ceremonies are Utter Krapp – embarrassing overblown farces. The P never watches them – apart from the first 10 minutes when the boredom level reaches its height.

Who gives a stuff about a bunch of lycra wearing loonies – climbing up a tower, waving their gloved hands in time to some drone beating a drum? I don't give a monkeys for all that cobblers and neither should you.


Seen them – and they are rubbish. Don’t want to see fireworks thanks – especially not on the telly.

The Olympic games are about SPORT – courage, competition, endeavour, skill and endurance – not about idiots running around letting off firecrackers.

I hope London isn’t fooled into even attempting to emulate that big waste of money.

Please God – don’t let the Big Brother mentality rule the Games of 2012 – with the Beckham-isation of every event. Simon Cowell and his cronies want to get their hands on the ceremonies and have the X-Factor and Rock Stars running the show.

Britain is more than this – although our 8 minutes of “Whole Lotta Love” was excellent – let’s leave it at that and show Simon Cowell and Beckham the door for 2012.

4.Phelps – 8 golds – he did good – but his sport allows him to swim in all of these races – the true great is Ben Ainsley – the sailer – 3 Golds in three consecutive Olympics. If he had 8 chances at a Gold medal – he would win them every year.

Phelps is to be commended – but he has massive feet and hands and produces only a third of the lactic acid produced by everyone else so his body doesn’t tire like normal folks – he’s a freak of nature.

5. Tennis - a strange sport to have in the Olympics perhaps - but what an inspiration Nadal is: he wins Wimbledon and then wins the Gold Bleedin' Olympic Medal. And he looked chuffed to bits to win it.

He is a winner and a credit to his sport.

Unlike that Flop - Haired miserable Scottish gitt Andy Murray. The little gett gets knocked out in Round One. He just couldn't be arsed. The Olympics were not important enough for the smile-less one.

I reckon I could beat him at tennis - I really could - he has no heart and no gutts.

Pathetic. That guy will Never win Wimbledon.

6. Scotland. Calls for the Scots to have their own Olympic team. Yea right. And what are they going to win next time? A Gold for tossing the caber - or swinging the haggis; how about Boozing - they are sure to win the Gold for that.

It's ridiculous.

We will have an Olympic team for the Isle of Wight next - or even the Isle of Sky - how about a team from Greater Manchester?


We are the British Isles for Gawd's sake - let's keep it that way.



Mr P will stop there – but P Club you get my drift – was my drift caught?

This Olympics was the greatest by far – it was two weeks of sheer brilliant telly.

Now – I guess it’s back to the boring old football.


Mr Pineapples said...

So P.....can you imagine the coverage the BBC would have given to any horse-riding blue blood had he/she won the Gold Medal?

Ms. Moon said...

Oh, Mr. P. There is so much to say about that post that I don't even know where to begin.
So I won't.
But I enjoyed it.
And I'd like to thank you cunning British for inventing the wheel, zero, and the gin and tonic.
Really. Thanks.

Mr Pineapples said...

But - Ms Moon - we (The Brits) invented America...we really did. It's on our list of great inventions.

I like Gin and Tonic too.


Law Minx said...

My Dear P,

Did we not also invent the Chav?! I'm afraid such knife wielding, midriff exposing, hair extension sporting, beer swilling tattoo wearing accidents of nature as these do nothing for the 'Great' part of Great Britain,

I speak of the Chav because - though I did not see the 8 minute plug for 2012 myself - I am told that the video intro included shots of Myra Hyndley and a Skin Head standing on top of the Houses of Parliament, while the much feted London Bus event consisted of a large number of dancers flinging litter all over the place. Really. All we need now is a number of drunken yobs munching on a kebab and a pregnant teenager to complete the taster, dont you think?! Seems to me the culture of Chav will colour 2012 if the organising committee isn't careful - and it can start by binning that Truly HIDEOUS Logo!!!

Mr Pineapples said... wasn't a skinhead (which we Brits invented in the 1970s - my school was full of them) - but a punk.

As for Myra Hindley - yea she was there - as a style icon.

We invented Chavs and football hooliganism - in fact it's a great British export.

I can sniff the scent of irony in your post....that is so Typical of us Brits....we might be the Greatest Nation Known to Mankind but we can still laugh and joke about ourselves.

Unlike the Frogs or the Yanks - you see we know we are The Greatest and so have no insecurity - and can allow any in our knowledge of who we are.

We Rock.

Never Mind The Bollix said...

"Scotland. Calls for the Scots to have their own Olympic team. Yea right. And what are they going to win next time? A Gold for tossing the caber - or swinging the haggis; how about Boozing - they are sure to win the Gold for that."

How about a gold medal in rebuilding Hadrians Wall? I'd build it for free, but this time move it further south, say Watford Gap? Anyway, this time it would be high enough to keep those Albert Square mockney sparrahs ahhht.

2lb of bannnannnass only a pahhhhnnnnd!

Anonymous Boxer said...

Mr. P, I love your enthusiasm for your Olympics, but for me I see the Americans as professionals even before they enter. M.Phelps received 1 million dollar if he won 8 medals? It took the glory away from me and I remember my grandfather saying that if you truly want to see pure sportsmanship/etc.... then visit any High School Football game, because that is where the heart is. That said, I was happy to hear that Britain would be hosting the next Summer Games! Even with a budget half that of China, it will wonderful to have them return.

P.S. Thank you for the Gin and Tonics, but you can have Simon Cowell back.

mikeb302000 said...

I love what you guys did in this Olympics. The per capita medal count was all yours.

Mr Pineapples said...

hey Bollix - you Celtic Gett...if you rebuild Hadrian's wall north of Watford - you're going to end up with all the Brummies..yea....right

Annonymous Boxer Babe - you are spot on about this professionalism thing - hence my comments about the tennis. I hope Britain doesnt spend above budget for the games - and keeps in check the excesses of the ceremonies.

Hey MikeB - welcome to P Club - yup - The Uk certainly punched above its weight this time.

The Troll said...

I invented Jingoism by writing this song:

We do not want to fight,
but By Jingo if we do.
We've got the ships,
we've got the men,
We've got the money too!

Little Nicky (czar nicholas) will soon regret having stirred the British Lion

electro-kevin said...

Agree with you totally, Mr P.

I was disgusted that Association football (the antithesis of Olympian spirit) took center stage at the hand-over ceremony.

electro-kevin said...

Add to that complaint the X Factor element too.

Football and reality TV - two of the most crapulent elements of British culture today and yet it elbows its way in front of true sporting heroism and decency.

Law Minx said...

I fully expect to see the 2012 winner of Big Brother lighting the Olympic Flame.......

BBC said...

I never watched one minute of them. And I don't watch football either, those things are just things you monkeys screw around with.

But other than that how are things going with you?