Tuesday, 10 June 2008


What a day I had yesterday:

European Football Cup - Italy lost 3-0 to the bleedin' Dutch; got the dogs draped in the Italian flags - little good it did. Made the kids laugh - but no Voodoo magic there.

But that's not the worst of it. I smacked my head with the car door again.

Getting in the car - opens door - heavy - SMACK - straight in the head. Got a cut going from the top of my left eye to half way down my nose. Get in the car - blood streaming down face - kids concerned.

"What happened dad?"

"Smacked my head with the car door"

"Why d'ya do that dad?"

"Cos I'm a pillock".

Kids dabbing head with tissues - clucking concerns.

Get into the house - wife sees me - and absolutely cracks up....laughing, .....no sympathy whatsoever.

Trouble is: got to give a closing speech in Court today. What do I look like? Like a man attacked with a machette. Suspicious.

Is it only me that smacks car door in the head?

Last time I did it - September. Wife had her two (very nice) friends to tea (husband and wife). Mr P had never met them. Came back from work about 8 o'clock - parked car - closed car door and then opened it again to get my bag.


Hit head so hard - I fell and lay on the grass for a couple of minutes in a daze.

Eventually walked into the house - with mud all over my trousers and a lump on my forehead the size of a golf ball - blood trickling down my shirt as well.

Walks straight into kitchen and wife introduces me to the friends.

"Oh - me Gawd! What's happened to you" - hand on mouth - startled - concerned.

"Hit the car door in my head".

The whole room just cracks up - laughing - even these new friends - who I've never met - no decorum whatsoever. And not one of them suggested I lie down - have a glass of water - think it through. Stuff like that.

Just made em all laugh. They were borderline cheering.

I mean - Bloody Hell!!

Still it broke the ice I suppose. There they were - expecting to meet the famous barrister - and what do they get?

An idiot.

Don’t know what the Judge is going to make of me today.


That's life eh?


Law Girl said...

You have my sympathy. I'm always manage to bang my head on the car door- much to the chargrin of my other half. Once he rescued the boot from falling on my head with his hands full with boxes and I didn't even noticed and the seconds later I almost did it again.

Now he just leaves me to bang my head.

Judgy will probably think your kids did it and take pity on you and rule in your favour. Shame about Italy but then thats what you get when only 2 of the team are under 30.

Anonymous said...

My Dear P,

As a Minx of Italian blood, you have my sincere sympathies, not merely in respect of the truly TRAGIC performance of the Azzuri but also in respect of large gash sustained to the P bonce as a result of repeated head banging against exceptionally heavy car door.
I suppose with respect to closing argument you could do a Marshall-Hall and virtually weep to the judge and Jury ( if there is one) that you have suffered in blood and PAIN for your Art because you totally believe in the case and that you demand the ABSOLUTE vindication of your client/the hapless defendant.
Naturally, the Learned Judge will dismiss this gambit as utter BOLLOCKS........
(I like posting here - its the only place I can swear without using asterisks!)

Mr Pineapples said...

My two Dear Friends of the Law.

Law-Girl - thank Gawd - there is another head-banger out there. The problem with the British is that they see the gash and dont say anything out of politeness. It's all then left to the imagination...which is worse.

Minxta - so ...a Welsh Italian eh? A perfect combination - ask Joe Calzaghe.

Marshall Hall - now he could advocate !! Wow.

P is reading his biography at the present. What a passionate advocate. Must have been Welsh-Italian.

Anonymous said...

My Dear P,

Is it Marjoribanks Auto Biog of MH that you are presently devouring?!
I began by enjoying it but in the end found it a bit, well, sycophantic, for want of a better word - it was as if MH could do nothing wrong, not even in respect of his first wife......!!

Mr Pineapples said...

Minx - yes it is Marjoribanks. It's a bit unusual - but I dont think it's entirely sycophantic. Old Marshall does cock-up a lot of times and Marjoribanks does denounce his folly - well sort of.

I have been reading it in dribs and drabs for months.

His old chambers are in middle temple - an imposing building just before you get onto the embankment. In facy I will be there tomorrow

Anonymous said...

Welcome to my world P, I do that shit ALL THE FREAKING TIME.
I am a walking accident.

It isnt good for my skinny ass I tell ya!

Poor you! I sympathise!

Anonymous said...

My Dear P,

You're visiting MH's Chambers?! What a lovely experience! I am insanely jealous!!!
I once bought a copy of a CD Rom issued by Consillio ( law student website set up by Charon in his guise as Mike Semple-Piggot) on the matter of Advocacy, as taught by Johnathan Goldberg QC - and he was in occupation of MH's room how completely and wonderfully SCARY is that?!

electro-kevin said...

They said exactly the same of me - the famous train driver.

I'm bumping into things all the time.

Jayne said...

Well at least you're alive to tell the tale.........*stifles giggles* I thought I was the only one that had duh! moments.
My sympathies Mr P & I hope the judge took pity on you :-)

Tom Evans said...

I don't own a car. They give rise to far too many claims.

Tamara said...

I nearly peed in my pants reading that... then everyone at the office would've laughed at me far more than your wife's new friends laughed at you.

Next time you close the car door on your head (honestly - HOW do you do that?), make up a better story for the kids, like getting thunked on the head by a drunken tennis player.

I like your blog, by the way (she says, after leaving a ridiculously long comment).