Monday, 16 June 2008


Ten things you need to know about The P - hit me with your 10 things......HIT ME

1. Have an Italian family - wine producers - Northern Italy - and here's the thing: None of the Weird Buggers drink wine. I swear to Gawd it's true. We have thousands of gallons of the red and white stuff in the cellars and the pillocks wont touch it. P takes friends to Italy to play tennis - they are the only daft sods who will drink the wine. They get fundamentally pissed before breakfast. Once played tennis with a mate who had drunk 11 glasses of red before 9 o’clock in the morning - I hammered him on the court and rubbed it in big time - THE SOAK. P's family couldnt give a monkeys who comes to the Italian houses - gang of Hells Angels? Didnt even notice them.

2. P has had a lot of beatings in His time - for instance: got caught in a park once - sitting on a bench - approached by gang of 5 idiots - asked P if He could swim (strange question no doubt)...P's mates had legged it by then. P said "Yea....and?....." Next thing - one of the dicks had booted P in the face and the rest joined in, kicking and punching big time - P got a major beating. This is life in the UK. Does it resonate??? Does it??

3. The Greatest Compliment paid to The P: "You treat everyone the same you do..."

4. P's best friends (at the sake of sounding Krap) - His wife and kids. P dont allow them to run around amok (the kids) - and He keeps good control. But the kids actively want to be with P and Mrs P - we have such a Bleedin' Laugh. Kids are the greatest. So much bad stuff happening to kids in society today - neglect and selfishness. Makes you weep.

5 P loves: kind and considerate people - it is a STRENGTH. A cliche - but Notice how folk treat those who are not important to them e.g. waiters -anyone who acts in a superior manner towards those folks gets the P write off. Dicks and frauds. Everyone is equal - regardless of class, status, job....Preach it P.

6. P used to break into houses (in His youth). Did a few jobs - broke in - didn't steal a thing - simply re-arranged the furniture. It was my surrealist phase. Never got caught. Have never stolen a thing in my life...

7. P has a bag full of faults: main one - gets bored easy and takes risks to perk things up. Can get depressed with the same old shit. P needs noise and activity. Is manic in the morning - ridiculously cheerful - plays "All Right Now" top volume 7am. Missus P - is not "Alright" at 7am and kicks P's arse big time. P has radio or music or TV on in every room. It masks a death wish - the whisper of time passing....passing......passing....drown it out....drown it out.....drown it out...

8. P thinks 1970's Rock is the greatest: T-Rex, Bee-Bop Delux, Black Sabbath, ZZ Top - OH Good Gawd !!

9. P hates Public Schools and Public School Boy twerps. We must have a meritocracy. If these privileged little shits get a leg-up when it comes to Oxford and Cambridge then the little toads need to earn it. Any comprehensive kid should need 3 Bs to get in whilst the Public School boy shit needs to get 4 As - it makes sense don’t it?

10. P loves sports - boxing is the most noble of them all. Every kid must be taught how to fight - P allows his boys to scrap - never discourages it. P kids have had some brilliant public scraps. Most notable one - in centre of Rome. Beating two colours of poo out of each other whilst the liver lilied Italians formed a circle and watched. Best entertainment those pillocks had had in years. P had to break it up as it started to get out of hand. P in a great mood and tried to take on a few of the crowd. None of the Buggers interested. Pathetic.

You tell us your 10 facts - go on you lurkers....have some guts....tell us your 10.


Mr Pineapples said...

P - bit self-obsessed aint ya?

Anonymous said...

My Dear P

Here's my 10p worth of strange and unusual things as yet unknown in the ether with regard to matters minx:

1: I too have an Italian family who enjoy a robust red or pleasantly light and fruity white, but none of them are ever drunk; in fact two small glasses of such nectar at mealtimes is considered to be most definately one over the eight.....

2: I am frustrated by the ripability quality of the paper of some of the more ludicrously expensive practitioner texts; my copy of the has been torn to shreds by constant thumbing and now looks like an explosion in a Kleenex factory.

3: I really, really, REALLY hate, loathe and otherwise DETEST Brussell Sprouts.

4: Greatest Compliment paid to Minx: " I dont know if I could have gone through this ( a HUGE and life threatening operation) if it hadn't been for you"

5: Minx has very many friends but has three bestest pals in all the world who know all of her innermost secrets and never ever tell.

6: I have a terrible predilection for Green and Black's Spicy Orange Chocolate.

7: I am really scared of heights.

9: I play the piano and the guitar really very badly but this does not deter me from the belief that I am Lizt or Clapton in drag.

10: My Dog shouldn't be named Actress, but Axminster Rug.

Mr Pineapples said...

Minx - thanks for that....most intriguing. So which part of Italy eh?

As for Green and Black's Spicy Orange Chocolate - bit posh aint cha?

Legal texts? a bleedin' rip off.

Hey Mr P is a guitar God.....He really is...used to be a busker in my former life.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mr P. I got tagged to do a list similar to this.

See blog.

Anyway, thanks for sharing. I love reading about other people and what their life is like.



Anonymous said...

My Dear P,

We are Northern Italians lurking around and about the fine city town of Piacenza.

Is Green and Black's posh? dont think so - I get it out of the vending machines at the local seat of learning!!!!!

My Copy of the CPR is falling to pieces - no wonder it is published yearly!!

Do you still play?!?

boXer girl said...

hey Mr P, great blog!

I, too, am Italian - complete with the 3'2" italian grandmother that can scare the living shit out of flys. None dare to rest upon her arm - or her meatballs!

Boxing! Its energy vibrates, connects. I'll never stray far from boxing. Neither AT&T nor the best Verizon hookup can make quite the connection for me! I'll be in the ring Wednesday at 3:00. Might have the makings for my next post!

Mr Pineapples said...

Boxer Girl - you are kiddin' me!

Actually in the bleedin' ring.


Come on....6 punch combo...

Let us know how you get on.

The P Club are all rooting for ya.

boXer girl said...

Tomorrow I will be sure to post whether my hardcore training is paying off... and if it's not, than I hope I atleast walk away with a cool black eye! Imagine the stares and the attention I'll get strolling down the frozen food isle in the grocery store! Niiice.

electro-kevin said...

1. Grandpa a Jewish Communist

2. Mother psychic

3. Dad totally eccentric - for example, deliberately walks diagonally across roads to cut corners and distance walked.

4. I'm an ex riot cop. Been involved in lots of traditional British yobbery as you describe

5. Taken some beats too

6. Love wife and kids as well - not as successfuly bonded as you seem to be

7. Lost the best job of my life having got totally pissed and threatening to stick one on a manager

8. Play pretty mean guitar

9. Endless anecdotes of hilarious cock-ups of my own doing.

10. Gave out a Jim'll Fix It badge on TV.

Ruby said...

hmmm....found this here blog via Tamara....i think i like

Mr Pineapples said...


Great list ole mate. My father in-law was an Italian Communits- got locked up by the Germans in WW2.

As for Jim'll Fix It Badge - that beats anything Mr P has ever done.

Keep on rocking.

Hey Ruby - welcome to P club - hope your stay will be an envigorating and gracious one


P still plays - my last "gig" was two weeks ago at a wedding - totally impromptu - there they all were in the reception - I noticed a guitar and before they knew it I had done two songs.....acoustic versions.

They were all surprised...and were shouting "More....more....more...etc..." but I had to scarper as my boys were fighting in the West Country that evening.

Jaro said...

The Greatest Compliment paid to The P: "You treat everyone the same you do..."

Well, don't make arsehole comments on other people's blogs. Even if you've had a skinful and you think it's shit, don't say so, leave it, don't comment at all. That sort of thing hurts.

The one I'm thinking of is Bollinger Byrd, though you might have done it elsewhere as well.

Mr Pineapples said...

Oh Dear was that the Bollinger Bollocks comment?

But that was a compliment.

Dont ya get it?

P treats everyone the same...penny dropping now. Everyone is bollocks.

Where's your sense of self confidence? Come on pull up your boot straps and declare:

"I am what I am - I will never be defeated...."

Barnsley Bill said...

EK. I have a jim"ll fixit badge, a blue peter badge , once had to fight off the advances of cubby broccoli and dickie attenborough. And my proudest moment of all was the time dennis waterman pissed on my shoes at the orange tree in Richmond..
Top that chav boy.

electro-kevin said...

I can't beat that, Barnsley.

Dennis Waterman pissing on your shoes. Have you still got them ???

I guess that's why he's called 'Waterman'.

Barnsley Bill said...

alas shoes are gone.. This was in the mid 80's

Anonymous said...

Feel free to send me a case of wine anytime!

I'm Sicilian.

=) Bella

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