HIT ME WITH 10 THINGS

Ten things you need to know about The P - hit me with your 10 things......HIT ME

1. Have an Italian family - wine producers - Northern Italy - and here's the thing: None of the Weird Buggers drink wine. I swear to Gawd it's true. We have thousands of gallons of the red and white stuff in the cellars and the pillocks wont touch it. P takes friends to Italy to play tennis - they are the only daft sods who will drink the wine. They get fundamentally pissed before breakfast. Once played tennis with a mate who had drunk 11 glasses of red before 9 o’clock in the morning - I hammered him on the court and rubbed it in big time - THE SOAK. P's family couldnt give a monkeys who comes to the Italian houses - gang of Hells Angels? Didnt even notice them.

2. P has had a lot of beatings in His time - for instance: got caught in a park once - sitting on a bench - approached by gang of 5 idiots - asked P if He could swim (strange question no doubt)...P's mates had legged it by then. P said "Yea....and?....." Next thing - one of the dicks had booted P in the face and the rest joined in, kicking and punching big time - P got a major beating. This is life in the UK. Does it resonate??? Does it??

3. The Greatest Compliment paid to The P: "You treat everyone the same you do..."

4. P's best friends (at the sake of sounding Krap) - His wife and kids. P dont allow them to run around amok (the kids) - and He keeps good control. But the kids actively want to be with P and Mrs P - we have such a Bleedin' Laugh. Kids are the greatest. So much bad stuff happening to kids in society today - neglect and selfishness. Makes you weep.

5 P loves: kind and considerate people - it is a STRENGTH. A cliche - but Notice how folk treat those who are not important to them e.g. waiters -anyone who acts in a superior manner towards those folks gets the P write off. Dicks and frauds. Everyone is equal - regardless of class, status, job....Preach it P.

6. P used to break into houses (in His youth). Did a few jobs - broke in - didn't steal a thing - simply re-arranged the furniture. It was my surrealist phase. Never got caught. Have never stolen a thing in my life...

7. P has a bag full of faults: main one - gets bored easy and takes risks to perk things up. Can get depressed with the same old shit. P needs noise and activity. Is manic in the morning - ridiculously cheerful - plays "All Right Now" top volume 7am. Missus P - is not "Alright" at 7am and kicks P's arse big time. P has radio or music or TV on in every room. It masks a death wish - the whisper of time passing....passing......passing....drown it out....drown it out.....drown it out...

8. P thinks 1970's Rock is the greatest: T-Rex, Bee-Bop Delux, Black Sabbath, ZZ Top - OH Good Gawd !!

9. P hates Public Schools and Public School Boy twerps. We must have a meritocracy. If these privileged little shits get a leg-up when it comes to Oxford and Cambridge then the little toads need to earn it. Any comprehensive kid should need 3 Bs to get in whilst the Public School boy shit needs to get 4 As - it makes sense don’t it?

10. P loves sports - boxing is the most noble of them all. Every kid must be taught how to fight - P allows his boys to scrap - never discourages it. P kids have had some brilliant public scraps. Most notable one - in centre of Rome. Beating two colours of poo out of each other whilst the liver lilied Italians formed a circle and watched. Best entertainment those pillocks had had in years. P had to break it up as it started to get out of hand. P in a great mood and tried to take on a few of the crowd. None of the Buggers interested. Pathetic.

You tell us your 10 facts - go on you lurkers....have some guts....tell us your 10.