Tuesday, 13 May 2008
MY BLEEDIN' MID-LIFE CRISIS
Mr P is having a mid-life....
Mrs P says "There is no mid-life crisis - you just find it hard to grow up"
THAT IS RUBBISH
P has evidence.
First - P's kids run the show, undermining the Control of The P. The prowess of The P - questioned by primary school girls and Italian-esque Teenage Boys.
THE EVIDENCE (and this will shock you):
P - in kitchen - 10-year-old girl - looking up at P:
"Dad .....is it you leaving the top off the peanut butter and the lid off the margarine?"
Tip - never plead guilty.
" Well I am not sure, but I did see someone with the peanut butter the other day and...."
"It WAS you Dad.....and it's really annoying....put the tops and the lids back on."
Then, after theatrically demonstrating how to put a plate in the sink, she skoots off.
A reprimand for P.....a telling off for The Legendary Mr Pineapples, from someone in pigtails, pink outfit and ballet shoes...
WHAT IS HAPPENING!!
This is real evidence.
P taught His youths everything: tennis, squash, football, boxing.. how to put on shoes without undoing the laces....swearing, tattoos, you name it...THE BLEEDIN' LOT. All from The P.
Fishing: P out with lads - lads cast their lines....100 meters....P casts His line 75 metres.
Nothing wrong so far. But remember P club: Mr Pineapples taught these youths to cast.
Kid P says "Nice cast Dad...that was really great..d'ya see that boys?....Dad did a great cast..."
Chorus from other mini-P's "..yea..nice cast Dad...wow..."
WOW - MY ARSE!
Problem - youths are not being ironic or sarcastic. but genuinely trying to encourage The P..
...the Poor Old Git...
...the Ailing Old Fart..
...the Geezer needing Bigging Up....
Tennis: P gets arse whipped regular. Again - chorus from side-lines: "Nice shot Dad....wow....".
WOW - BOLLOCKS!
Boxing: P scared to have a spar with youths - concerned at being on arse even before munching down on gum-shield.
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
REAL EVIDENCE OF DEMISE AND DETERIORATION.
A FULL -BLOWN CRISIS.
P is young - full head of hair - real teeth - good looking...fit...in shape..
But these kids are younger, better looking, cleverer than The P....fitter...
And even WORSE: they are kind, encouraging, helpful all of the way.
THE CHEEKY BUGGERS.
P - IN MID-LIFE CRISIS.