Tuesday, 13 May 2008

MY BLEEDIN' MID-LIFE CRISIS


Mr P is having a mid-life....

Mrs P says "There is no mid-life crisis - you just find it hard to grow up"

THAT IS RUBBISH

P has evidence.

First - P's kids run the show, undermining the Control of The P. The prowess of The P - questioned by primary school girls and Italian-esque Teenage Boys.

THE EVIDENCE (and this will shock you):

P - in kitchen - 10-year-old girl - looking up at P:

"Dad .....is it you leaving the top off the peanut butter and the lid off the margarine?"

Tip - never plead guilty.

P:

" Well I am not sure, but I did see someone with the peanut butter the other day and...."

"It WAS you Dad.....and it's really annoying....put the tops and the lids back on."

Then, after theatrically demonstrating how to put a plate in the sink, she skoots off.

A reprimand for P.....a telling off for The Legendary Mr Pineapples, from someone in pigtails, pink outfit and ballet shoes...

WHAT IS HAPPENING!!

This is real evidence.

MORE:

P taught His youths everything: tennis, squash, football, boxing.. how to put on shoes without undoing the laces....swearing, tattoos, you name it...THE BLEEDIN' LOT. All from The P.

Fishing: P out with lads - lads cast their lines....100 meters....P casts His line 75 metres.

Nothing wrong so far. But remember P club: Mr Pineapples taught these youths to cast.

Kid P says "Nice cast Dad...that was really great..d'ya see that boys?....Dad did a great cast..."

Chorus from other mini-P's "..yea..nice cast Dad...wow..."

WOW - MY ARSE!

Problem - youths are not being ironic or sarcastic. but genuinely trying to encourage The P..
...the Poor Old Git...
...the Ailing Old Fart..
...the Geezer needing Bigging Up....

Tennis: P gets arse whipped regular. Again - chorus from side-lines: "Nice shot Dad....wow....".

WOW - BOLLOCKS!

Boxing: P scared to have a spar with youths - concerned at being on arse even before munching down on gum-shield.

SEE WHAT I MEAN?

REAL EVIDENCE OF DEMISE AND DETERIORATION.

A FULL -BLOWN CRISIS.

P is young - full head of hair - real teeth - good looking...fit...in shape..

But these kids are younger, better looking, cleverer than The P....fitter...

And even WORSE: they are kind, encouraging, helpful all of the way.

THE CHEEKY BUGGERS.

P - IN MID-LIFE CRISIS.

It's happening,

18 comments:

Mr Pineapples said...

P - we feel for You Bro

Law Minx said...

My Dear P,

As long as you aren't an interesting shade of fake tan orange,that the hair on top of your head hasn't arrived there by means of a spray can, that your teeth aren't all bridges, and your abs arent bieng held in place by the sort of gravity defying corset that would put Dita Von Tease to shame, then I would say that you are not in ANY WAY experiencing a mid life crisis.
You are only thinking this because all of your kids are taller than you......!

Mr Pineapples said...

Minxta - they are ALL taller than me - and have bigger muscles.

They pat me on the head...Honest-Ta-Gawd... and offer to make me cups of tea.

They even hug me in Public...for Goodness-Sakes...How embarassing is that?

Mr Pineapples said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Supermum said...

Not laughed so much in ages - great blog. Thanks for your comment on mine!
Cheers for making my day!
Sue.

Molerats said...

Bahaha,

You sound like molerats whining scouse of a father. Do you know why they do that when you play sport with them? Let the molerat educate the P as this is something molerat did to his old man.

I wont speak for daughters with fathers because thats completely different and i wouldn't have the foggiest.

Boys who have supportive dads as they grow up teaching them how to jab, how to head a ball, how to swim, arm wrestle, mimic the way they were taught as they were learning.

At some point sons surpass their fathers and as can be seen with your boys (and as the molerat was with his dad) don't look at the defeat of their father as something to lord over them (as they would among mates) but look at their dad with adoration and repay them with the same support they were given in every game or backyard competition they ever lost to their dad.

The P should be proud not affronted. He did a good job.

But thats what the molerat thinks now.....ill get back to you once i have a litter of my own.

Law Minx said...

Admit it, you Grumpy (Old) Gett - you are just completely gobsmackingly PROUD of the way they've all turned out!!! :)

Supermum said...

Mr Pineapples - Thanks for dropping by again -
I wish I was that talented!!
The images are either downloaded from the internet (as black outlines) or I use 'craft rubber stamps', which are inked and stamped onto the card.
I do hand paint all the images and then design the cards.
Thanks for your lovely comments!
Your blog is so amusing - I was laughing all night!
Sue. :-)

bsq(c) said...

That made me laugh out loud! I'm entertained. Don't worry, I'm sure you've still got it- and these are your offspring so they've obviously inherited talent!

Mr Pineapples said...

Supermum - good to have you on board The Great Ship P

Minxtaaa - P is certainly proud of his kids - succeed or fail - P is there with them all the way. My eldest came home from boxinf the other night with a trophy as big as the Taj Mahal (not quite but close) - he had been awarded the "Best Boxer of the Night" at the fight night. We had all gone home by the time the announcment was made; so hadnt realised.

bsq(c) - you are being very kind to The P

Trubes said...

Yo Mr P: Another cracking yarn, loved it. No such thing as getting old, it's all in the mind.
Spoken by one who knows !

Di.xx

Law Minx said...

AWWW, Mr P - you really are a big softie at heart!!
(*big slobbery hug*!)

Mr Pineapples said...

Trubes - Me Darling - as ever a righteous privilege to have you on the blog.

Minxtaa - P is indeed a kind soul (except to Evil doers).

My bye word is "encouragement" - if a scintila of effort is made P is 100% encouragement....

P bigs up His kids major-time - couldnt give a stuff really about P's deterioration...not really.

Gissa-Nother-Hug

Fiona said...

Hilarious! All that beating them with a plastic dust-bin lid paid off then.

Scroblene said...

Come back Mr Piners!

Your county needs you...

What a story that is and I agree, we are in for a shock - somehow...

%0)

electro-kevin said...

My kids are not interested in learning anything from me.

I teach one of them guitar but it's slow going.

Mr Pineapples said...

Fiona - I love your pic - you are as beautiful as ever. What happened to all those Rangers fans then eh?

P now supports Celtic.

Scroblene - when are you going to get that engine oil from off of your head?

Thanks for coming on P blog

Electic Kev - well ole buddie - teaching the guitar is a noble cause

Perserverance is the key.

Law Girl said...

what a massive softie! (please reassure me that you're not giovanni di stefano in some weird internet head fuck).

And if you're going to be offensive then do it properly: "bol-lerks" is just half arsed and pathethic, infact what the little ps have come to expect of the PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

wet snog on the chin (its my new strange thing)