Saturday, 24 May 2008


P weenies - listen to the words of The P.....

The other day - P went to a Youth Court for the First Time.

What an eye-opener. What a revelation impartation to the mind of The P.

And He spills the beans right here, because these Youth Courts are a microcosm of the State of the UK and indeed of the whole of the Western World.

And we need to know about them.

P entered because He was in another Court across the road and was asked to pop over to mitigate on behalf of a youth about to receive sentence for a crime (P wont name the youth, or the crime). P never done this before - He does some crime - but only major, arse-kicking - intellectual you can imagine.

The SICK THING was - everyone thought I was a SOLICITOR and kept referring to me as their "Friend". P is NOT a bleedin' thicko solicitor - and He is not a "Friend" at all.

First P cock up: He stands up to address the Tribunal. WRONG ! It's a Youth Court - we all sit down, nice and cosy - we never upset the Youths by being formal in any way. P told to sit down - Three Times.

Second P balls up: He addresses the defendant by full name. WRONG ! It's first name terms here pal - no scaring youths with Siree.

The cock ups continued....but P successful and all that He asked for He got.

Youth very pleased - tearful and grateful - off he goes back home....chuffed.

But Listen.

The whole thing - geared towards making youths feel happy, at ease, languid. No big stick here - no fear - no need for respect - no bleedin' nuthing. The way the Court spoke to the youth was: softly, tenderly, sweetly - Fluffy teddy-bear style.

Youth Worker in Tow - (and allowed to speak for the youth) - Mums and Dads in Tow (allowed to speak for the youth), even youth allowed to give a little speech about how remorseful they were etc...and wont do it again etc...

And off they go - to do even more of the same crime. Cynical? Hope not - P hates cynics - but where is the teeth in all of this?

Victim suffered a great deal - P knows so - victim lost quite a bit of money and was badly beaten up in the process - despite this = NO COMPENSATION awarded.

Tough on Crime? You are having a laugh.

P spoke at length to the Court Ushers. Their view? The system lacked any sense of authority - any sense of awe - youths are allowed to play computer games on their mobile phones all the way through the trial - to give the finger to whomever they wished, to chew, laugh, fart, and scratch their bleedin' arses - as long as it put them at ease.

A good arse scratching can really chill you down.

But where was the tea lady? Wheeling her way though the Court - with cakes and bottles of Iron Brew (alcohlic version). This would be helpful.

Ushers said - it was the norm for parents not to turn up; youths are often on their own.

But P was shocked at the banality of the process, at the casual and ultra informal approach.

P is a liberal at heart - with a natural irreverence towards His betters - but we must have some respect for authority - Surely? Some sense of the Majesty of The Law?

Come on P Club - let's have a massive debate about this.


Mr Pineapples said...

P - this is truly shocking

Law Girl said...

it is shocking. bring back the cane I say.

Mr Pineapples said...

Well...and there's P getting all serious about society an' all - and here you are taking the Mick.

That is sad

So very sad.


Anonymous said...

My Dear P,

I'm afraid I cant enter into a damned good arse kicking contest,er, sorry, debate with you in respect because I am of a mind to agree with your comments.Tis sad that there is not much respect for, or even fear of the sanctions law can apply, these days. However, I take my hat off to the people who have to contend with the system, and its populace on a day in day out basis in tandem their passionate belief in the criminal justice system in all its forms.
I just wish I weren't a screaming cynic on this front.....

Anonymous said...

Hey Mr P!
That is a shocker.

If they can commit crimes then they need to be treated like adults.

I dont think that you are being cynical, just realistic.

What a nightmare. I dont feel confident that these kids wont go out and offend again. If court was a little more scary, then they might think twice hey?


Mr Pineapples said...

Minxta and Skinny Girl

You are both sooo right.

No fear at all - court system is engineered towards their comfort.

The doing away of formailities: no wigs or gowns was a BAD move. In my humble opinion.

This pathetic government is doing away with every vestige of our legal history and is making it like one big scouts jamboree (cant spell so noth worth complaning).