Saturday, 24 May 2008
P NABS A GRANNY
It's True: P grabbed a Granny - a real live oldie.....She's in the shed sucking mushed pears through a straw; she walks the dogs; reads stories to the kids.
THAT WILL TEACH HER.
Okay - so P exaggerates - but He did try to kidnap a Real Granny.
It was Yesterday evening; P in car with two of his female imps (8 and 10); windy; drizzly.
P drives past old lady walking along lane with two young kids.
A long way from anywhere.
P carries on driving - a mile - then conscience strikes. P turns car around and heads back towards old lady with two young kids.
Imps say "what-cha-doing-dad?" "Where-we-going-dad?" "This-aint-the-way-home-dad?"
P sees old lady with two young kids - slows down, stops, lowers window and says:
"Would you like a lift?"
Oh Me Gawd: "Would you like a lift?"
That's all: "Would you like a lift?" Not very frightening.
Not like I've threatened to torch her zimmer-frame.
But - The face on the old lady: Shocked!! Startled!! Fearful!! About to be Attacked!! About to be shot, mugged - and worse!!
"No thank-you" she says.
"You sure? It’s no trouble."
"No thank-you" (indignant). Starting to look angry...angry with the Famous Mr Pineapples - can you ADAM AND EVE it?
So P drives off with the two cheeky monkeys in the car laughing and saying; "Dad - you are mental." "You really upset her dad...it's so funny...you tried to kidnap a grandmother..."
NO IT WASNT BLEEDIN' FUNNY AT ALL......IT WAS DEPRESSING. P DID FEEL A BIT EMBARASSED - LIKE A THWARTED PSYCHO-KILLER.
Kids went on about it all evening: taking the mick.
P does NOT look like a criminal: no tattoos on wrist or knuckles, no earrings, no gold teeth...infact a very pleasant looking sort of bloke.
No leering or menacing expression. Just trying to help the old lady with the two young kids.
And He had two cheeky little girls in the car: one in the front seat (smiling away) and one in the back seat (grinning). Hardly a danger to society one would think?
What the Bleedin' hell is wrong with our society?
Or is it just Mr P - totally out of step?
I tell you: Next time P will succeed and then it's in the shed.....totally in. See how She likes that then eh?